I had to speak at a ladies meeting today, to give my testimony. I'll admit I am still processing the experience. Frankly, I am not sure what to do with it in my life's timeline.
But I do know it stresses to me why I like writing. Writing is my therapy. It gives me time to think about my words, to filter my thoughts and pack them neatly into slots. Speech-making is different. Once spoken, words are just out there and you can't take them back or reformulate them.
I have publicly given my testimony three times now and each time has been different from the last. This time, I really can't tell you what I said. How to explain that...I was told I did great. But truthfully, at the end I felt as blank as a piece of paper. It was like I woke up from a dream. Oh, over the last months I had prepared a whole string of thoughts. I had preached myself silly trying to fit what I wanted to say into 15 minutes of time. Yet I knew inside that when I got up there, I'd be myself, it'd all go to the wind, and I'd remember none of it.
Perhaps if I could have written it all down instead...
That's, after all, what I did with my book. I am so proud of the accomplishment of having a published book. However, when the first person asked me to sign it, and then another and another, I was totally unprepared. I couldn't figure out why that mattered.
I told my husband the other day that it was the story of my failure and God's success. In the scheme of things, I am such a small, ordinary, insignificant person. Why has God chosen to use ME in the first place? I cannot tell you how many times I have asked myself that question.
In late 2010, and when I asked the Lord what I should call the book, He said, "Fearless." That title puzzled me.
"Fearless? But, God," I argued, "I'm not fearless!"
"Fearless," He said, "is not being without fear. It's not letting fear control you."
Ah, and this I understand. Today as I stood up there, I had captured that. No matter how hard the struggle to rid myself permanently of the affects of fear in my life, no matter how long it takes, I will not make decisions based on fear. If that is what fearless means, then I am it.
So...I signed a few books today, still puzzling over why that matters. (I don't mind signing them and my notes to people are always sincere. I don't know how else to be, actually.) But my story is God's story. Every word I write and those I speak are His words. They are what He would say. I am just the vessel.
I don't know yet why He has chosen me. Maybe He just wanted one person willing to stand up and say, "Enough! You don't have to be afraid." I must be obedient, this I do know.
God is so good, friends, all the time.
Suzanne Williams Photography
Suzanne Williams is a native Floridian, wife, and mother, with a penchant for spelling anything, who happens to love photography.
My 99 Cent Young Adult Sale will end January 31st, so pick up your copies while the prices last. These are Clean Romances with heroes pare...
From The Author: This year, I released 15 novels or novellas, with 6 of those as 2 complete sets. I also finished the Billionaire Boys Clu...
This piece was written for the Grace & Faith 4U Blog. It received such a nice reception that I wanted to also post it here. It is not di...